When you thrive in the fetish environment you meet a lot of open-minded people, me loving to discuss the way I do and having recently came out as a trans-man, I am a bit of a get to person for some people on my opinion on those things. This evening one of my open-minded friends approached me on feeling tricked, mainly by a set of pictures on twitter, were apparently there was a trans-woman or a cross dresser involved. Now his problem was that she had not disclosed this until later, after he already had sexual fantasies about her.
He felt so tricked because he had gay thoughts about this person, even though he was not gay he didn’t roll that way. It started out okay, as he asked me if I as a trans found it annoying that he talked about such things, but being an open person with a love for open discussion and I never give up on education the biased when they ask for it I didn’t really mind. He starts of calling her a transvestite now I haven’t seen the pictures in question, but if she, as he said, called herself a girl, I think she’s a trans-woman and not a transvestite. I quote one of the lines that bothered me most: “she *always* posts pictures of herself or her female friends, and gay stuff isn’t really part of what they do at all, they’re all about just miss kitsch and her friends then one day they posted another picture of 3 of them, posing as girls and whatnot and then one of them turned out to a be a guy, without warning it’s just… really awkward in my mind, i had sexual thoughts about a genuine dude nothing against gay, you know, but that was just a trap we fell into “ Now to me, this is an extremely dangerous attitude, this is the attitude that leads to trans-gendered people being killed by partners or people at parties, because they ‘tricked’ them. So I told him, cross-dressing for a lot of people is a way of expressing themselves and I also pointed out that as long as you’re not having sex with someone what is in their pants really isn’t your business.
Though, I told him that for cross-dressing or pictures of a transgender they are not necessarily meant for the audience, people post pictures of themselves often, because they are proud of themselves, it has nothing to do with his entertainment. So I tried to explain it practically using myself as an example because obviously I don’t know the person he’s talking about. “I AM a man, even though my body is not so, so i make a twitter for example cal the manly man and start posting pictures of myself in my suits and whatnot. After a while a lot of girls start giving me attention, it’s not why i made that account, but hey i love the ladies so i won’t protest. When I start feeling more confident about myself I’d go like “hey guys…uhm yeah i was born a woman”. Do I need to feel bad to all the girls who masturbated with me in their mind? I didn’t post pictures on twitter for them to enjoy, I posted them because i am proud of how I look, it is not my responsibility to think of every homophobic and transphobic person out there. A lot of known species have lesbian and gay activity, only one species has homo- and transphobia, the fact that you’re grossed out by the idea of thinking fondly of a man and fantasizing about a man is your problem not our problem. it’s not our responsibility to protect other people, we have enough trouble protecting ourselves”
Now I think everyone has heard about the debate that LGBT get to much protection and so on and how the cis-straight community is the dupe of this, which I honestly think is not true, because the cis-straight community doesn’t have a high chance of being killed for who they are, being fired, being denied a home or being killed by a spouse for ‘tricking’ them. Though he had an ‘excellent’ suggestion for the problem, now I am going to quote what he said before that because I have no idea how I would word this: “Well, this whole thing just feels to me like there’s always a lot going on about having respect for all the special stuff like crossdressers and such which is all correct but i sometimes feel like the straight, “normal” people don’t get the same kind of respect that way namely, in cases like that picture no offense but i find it creepy to think sexually of other guys it freaks me out i just want to think of women that way so when someone then makes a big show, going “oh yeah i’m a girl” alright only to then show his face and reveal she’s a crossdresser, that just hits a lot of people like a brick but, if he/she had told us that from the start, there’d be no problem the people not interested in watching another guy/crossdresser could just go elsewhere and those not bothered wouldn’t lost their interest“
His solution was some kind of label we could put on our profiles, so homophobic and transphobic people would know to steer clear from us, now that would mean for us to be allowed to share a picture of ourselves, of our proud moments, of our struggles and so on, we’d have to be out of the closet, we’d have to put ourself open for shaming and hatred, because some poor cis-straight person might feel tricked otherwise.
The discussion ended with me pointing out that without contact we’d never be able to show the “normal” people as he put it, that we’re not that weird and scary as they might think and that his suggestion would never break the stigma only make it bigger. He concluded with the society is at fault, he is an okay guy, you can have interesting discussions with him and he assured me he tolerates LGBTs, He has the live and let live attitude, otherwise of course we wouldn’t be discussing together.